Month: October 2019

To The Have-To-Work Moms

October 29, 2019

“I just wish you could stay home like I did”, my mom said while I was on a short maternity leave. And she wasn’t wishing alone. I wished I could too. It was a heartbreaking understanding that I accepted quickly in motherhood. I was going to be a working mom. But not just a working mom, a have-to-work mom. A woman whose husband had a humble paying career and a schedule, in which I high five my husband when he walked in, because it was his turn to parent alone. Fellow have-to-work moms know what that means without even an explanation.

To my fellow have-to-work moms, the ones that feel the pressure to provide. Who go without so her kids can have. Maybe your husband is a teacher or is in law enforcement like mine. Maybe you are a single mom who’s worked hard alone. Maybe your spouse is sick and cannot work. Or maybe there was a major job loss or financial hit. Whatever the case is, your household survives on your income.

You’ve heard the, “if you trust in God, He’ll provide a way to be a stay-at-home mom.” 9 years in, I’m still here waiting. And maybe you’re waiting too. Or maybe you love your outside job and have no plans to stop.

To my fellow have-to-work moms. To the ones that would love to stay home but can’t budget that one in. Or the ones that would still choose to work, even if finances were different. To the ones that just want the option. To the ones that say, “my husband works hard so I can too”.

To the ones that have missed school parties, Easter egg hunts, or bedtimes. To the ones explaining to their kids that mommy has to work. To the ones that are there when they can and still takes care of her family’s needs.

To the have-to-work moms, want-to-work moms, and stay-at-home moms.

You’re doing a beautiful job. You are refining under pressure. You are loving your kids. You are upholding promises. You are what your children need.

Don’t forget to take time for yourself. Don’t forget to love yourself. Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Don’t forget to find someone to talk to. Don’t forget to pray about it. It’s a lot of pressure that you shouldn’t muster it alone.

God will provide for you. He’ll provide you the grace to get through, the forgiveness when you mess up, the comfort when you’re hurting, the companionship when you feel alone, and the strength when you need it. He is faithful to help you do what you have to do, because He’s the want-to kind of Father.

When You Call On Your Brother

October 13, 2019

If you ever met my brother and I, you may think we are complete opposites. His favorite 90s music is alternative rock. Mine is 90s R&B. He’s black and white. I’m 1 million shades of gray with a ton in between. He’s more structured, and I’m more fluid with lots of “it depends”. He studied engineering, and I studied psychology. He understands numbers, and I understand people. He’s skilled at fixing and building things. I’m skilled at communication and words. I assess people, and he assesses houses. He voted for Trump, and I’m accused by him of voting for Hillary, no matter how many times I explain I did NOT (even though I didn’t vote for Trump). Yep, that sums it up.

And this goes way back. You can ask our mom. I can remember having very different interests as kids: I would spend hours listening to music and indulging in artsy stuff, and he would spend hours doing whatever nerdy numbers things he was doing. We had an elementary teacher once make the mistake of assuming we were just alike. It didn’t take her long to figure out that I’m not my brother. Even to this day, we have very different interests. I don’t think my brother gets what I do (even though science does, in fact, back it), and this may be the only blog post of mine he’ll ever read (if he even reads this). And I’m grateful there are people that are into that kind of a thing he’s into, because that kind of thing is dull and boring (even though it’s necessary).

Do you have a sibling? Maybe he or she is just like you. Or maybe just the opposite. Maybe you’re twins, or maybe you seem like you were raised in different homes or in alternate universes. Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter how similar you are. If you vote the same way. Or view life with the same lens. It matters how they respond when you call. Do they listen? Do they show up? Do they encourage or pray? Do they calm your anxious head?

My brother was the only one in my family I could practice learning how to drive with without losing my nerve. So, it makes sense I would call on my brother when I needed an ally the most. The time I had someone bothering me at school and needed a big brother to step in. That’s all it took. The time I was 800 miles away from home at college and hurting from a bad break up. It was very late. The time I was trying to get to know the cute guy at church, and he called him to come over. The rest is history. The time the cute boy and I were buying our first house, and we needed input. And the times we needed help doing a home project, because I married someone too much like myself.

When you call on your brother. If you have a sibling you can call on, be grateful. Some have losses and some have less than healthy. If you’re blessed like I am, you’ll have someone that’s there. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone that shows up. And if he calls, you’re there too. Because it doesn’t matter if you fully agree or don’t agree at all, it just matters that you answer each other’s calls.